Criminal Masterminds – or not!
Article by: Kylie Fox
Chances are that if you’re on this page, you like to sink your teeth into a good crime story. Nothing beats trying to outsmart that criminal mastermind and solve the mystery, right? We’ve all read the books, watched the tv or the movies where the plots are woven so intricately and the criminals so devious that only the brilliant deductive skills of the detectives or sleuths can solve the case.
Then there are these crimes. The ones that will have you scratching your head for an altogether different reason. There is not a criminal mastermind in the bunch. No fancy detective work or forensic mastery was necessary in nabbing these criminals. They managed, in every instance, to foil themselves.
These are some of the world’s dumbest criminals.
A Shotgun and a Bottle of Scotch
In Colorado Springs, US, a man, brandishing a shotgun, demanded the cashier of a corner store fill a bag with all the cash from the register. The cashier complied and the robbery should have been over. Instead, the thief spotted a bottle of scotch that took his fancy and told the cashier to add it to his bag of loot.
The cashier refused, saying he didn’t believe the robber was over 21.
The pair argued – the thief declaring he was of legal drinking age and the cashier refusing.
Finally, the thief pulled out his driver’s license and handed it to the cashier – proving he was in fact, over 21. He then left the store with the money and the bottle of scotch.
The cashier promptly called the police and supplied them with the man’s name and address which he’d supplied on his license. He was arrested less than 2 hours later.
Quality Crack
Eloise Reaves, of Florida, was aggrieved that the crack cocaine that she’d just scored wasn’t of an acceptable standard. Did she return to the dealer with her complaint? No. She waved down a passing police officer and made her complaint to him, even showing him the crack to prove her case. Unfortunately for Eloise, the officer didn’t offer to return the goods to the dealer and get her a refund, he arrested her.
Job Offer
In Georgia, 28 year old Demetrius Robinson, was set to rob a Golden Pantry store but didn’t want to do it with the store full of people. To pass the time until he could be alone with the clerk he decided to fill in a job application form. After he robbed the store and made a successful getaway, he was quickly arrested with the details he’d provided on the form. Oh yes, he’d supplied his real name, address and his uncle’s phone number.
Strangely enough, he didn’t get the job.
Billion Dollar Boo Boo
Charles Ray Fuller, 21 of Dallas, Texas might have set his sights a little too high when he tried to pass a forged cheque. Not only was the cheque not made out in his name, he’d made it out for 360 BILLION DOLLARS! Yeah, ‘cause that wouldn’t raise any suspicion.
Out With A Bang
A pair of criminals in Belgium attempted to crack open an ATM on the side of a bank. A minor miscalculation with the dynamite and instead of scoring the cash, they managed to blow up the entire bank – and themselves.
Murder He Wrote
Polish author Krystian Bala may well have gotten away with murder – if he’d been able to resist writing about it. Obviously the plot was too tempting and Bala wrote the best-selling novel Amok in 2003. Police noticed eerily similar details in the book to an unsolved murder from three years before and an investigation ensued. It ensued that the victim was romantically involved with Bala’s ex-wife. Bala was eventually jailed for 25 years for murder.
Facebook Faux Pas
Social networking is the way of the world but should probably be avoided by burglars – at least while they’re inside a victim’s home. Jonathon G. Parker, of Pennsylvania, was robbing a house and couldn’t resist taking a peek at his Facebook profile while he was there – and forgot to sign himself out. Police were quickly able to track him down from the details provided on his page.
Just Hanging Around
John Pearce, 32 of Dartford, England, provided quite a spectacle for locals when he attempted to break into a house, via a window, in broad daylight. His foot became entangled in the window, leaving him dangling upside-down much to the amusement of onlookers who mocked him mercilessly until the police came – to first rescue, then arrest him.
Calling Ahead
Daniel Glen, from Ontario, wanted to be sure that it was worth his while showing up to a robbery at a convenience store so had the bright idea of calling in advance to ask the clerk how much money was in the register. When he arrived, on schedule, to rob the store, the police were waiting for him.
Eeeew!
Motor home owner, Dennis Quigly, called the police one morning, reporting weird noises from outside. Apparently a thief was trying to siphon gas from the vehicle using a hose. When police arrived they found a man curled up in a ball next to the motor home and a pile of vomit. In trying to suck the gas from the tank, he’d ended up with a mouthful, as often happens – but this wasn’t gas. He’d sucked the wrong tank and ended up with a mouthful of sewage! Quigly chose not to press charges figuring the man had suffered enough.
The Ultimate Bank Robbery
I’ve left this one for last ‘cause for me it takes the cake!
A San Francisco man decided to rob a Bank Of America. He walked into the branch and wrote on a deposit slip “this iz a stickup. Put all your muny in this bag.”
He then stood in line and waited his turn so that he could give the note to the teller. He began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note and that the police might be called before the reached the window.
He left the Bank of America and crossed the road to another bank, Wells Fargo. He waited a few minutes in line and handed the note to the teller. She read it and surmised from his spelling that she wasn’t dealing with the brightest spark. She told him she could not accept the note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, he would have to fill out a Wells Fargo slip or return to the Bank of America.
The man, defeated, merely said “Ok” and left, returning across the road, note in hand, to the Bank of America where he was promptly arrested.
Seriously, you couldn’t make this stuff up!
